Asking a second time for boundaries to be respectedSat, Mar 3rd 2007
I share a house with a friend. We have separate bedrooms. I have a computer in my bedroom, and I use the computer for personal and business use. For about 1 1/2 years, I shared my computer with my housemate for a variety of reasons - he set up the computer for me, was without a job for a time, and helped me in various ways with my business. Recently, because my computer had significant virus problems and computer technicians advised me to limit access and because my housemate had held a job for over a year, I asked him to stop using my computer. I also asked that he not allow any of his guests to use my computer. He understood and stopped using the computer for a time but asked on occasion to check his emails, to which I agreed. I was recently out of town and upon my return realized after logging on to my computer that he had used the computer for more than emails and apparently allowed his father to use my computer. Please help me with an appropriate approach to this issue. I very much like my housemate (and his father, by the way!) and in general, we get along very well. But I do not want him using my computer (for at least more than emails) and I do not want his houseguests in my bedroom (which is usually pretty messy!) and on my computer. My housemate continues to do nice things for me when I ask for his help and his father has been nice as well, which, I think, is why, I find it difficult to ask for this request of mine to be respected. Help!
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Dombeck responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Dombeck intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Dombeck to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Dombeck, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.